Mental Wellness is.....

What is mental wellness?

     While there is a wealth of information on the varying definitions of mental illness online, it was not as easy to find information on mental wellness!! The best definition of mental wellness that I could find was by Dr. Jane Myers of the University of North Carolina, one of the founders of the concept. She says,

"Wellness refers to a holistic approach in which mind, body, and spirit are integrated. It is a way of life oriented toward optimal health and well-being in which body, mind, and spirit are integrated in a purposeful manner with a goal of living life more fully… Wellness is more than the absence of disease, [or] a state defined as “health.” [It] incorporates a concern for optimal functioning."

Being mentally well is intertwined with being physically and spiritually well

Mental wellness, physical wellness and spiritual wellness are co-equal

By its very essence, mental wellness cannot be separated from physical and spiritual wellness. The three work together to produce the very concept of wellness. They are also always changing!!! One cannot "achieve" wellness-- because day to day we change, our circumstances change, and challenges arise. ALL OF US are in fluctuating states of health, making mental illness and mental wellness varying degrees of our health. We  all work to maintain a level of that health where we can be comfortable. 

The following list was compiled by Dr. Myers as a general guide to what it is to live in wellness. These are essential areas of concern along life’s way and not an absolute checklist that measures success or failure. You may not even agree with them all. Choose the ones you want to aspire to and make them your milestones along the mental wellness continuum. Note that most of the points below deal with mental health and wellness in some way:

Creative Self

▪   Thinking. Being mentally active and open-minded. The ability to be creative and experimental. Having a sense of curiosity. The ability to apply problem-solving strategies to social conflicts.

▪   Emotions. Being aware of or in touch with your feelings. The ability to express appropriately positive and negative feelings.

▪   Control.  Beliefs about your competence, confidence, and personal mastery. Beliefs that you can usually achieve the goals you set out for yourself.

▪   Work. Satisfaction with your work. Feeling that your skills are used appropriately. Feeling you can manage one’s workload. Feeling a sense of job security. Feeling appreciated in the work you do.

▪   Positive Humor. Being able to laugh at your own mistakes. The ability to use humor to accomplish even serious tasks.

Coping Self

▪   Leisure. Satisfaction with your time spent in leisure. Feeling that your skills are used appropriately.

▪   Stress Management. On-going self-assessment of your coping resources. The ability to organize and manage resources such as time, energy, and setting limits.

▪   Self-Worth.  Accepting who and what you are, positive qualities along with imperfections. A sense of being genuine within yourself and with others.

▪   Realistic Beliefs. Ability to process information and perceive reality accurately. The absence of persistent irrational beliefs and thoughts and need for perfection.

Social Self

▪   Friendship. Social relationships that involve a connection with others individually or in community, but which do not have a marital, sexual, or familial commitment. Having a capacity to trust others. Having empathy for others. Feeling understood by others.

▪   Love. The ability to be intimate, trusting, self-disclosing with another. The ability to give as well as express affection with significant others and to accept others without conditions.

Essential Self

▪   Spirituality. Personal beliefs and behaviors practiced as part of the recognition that we are more than the material aspects of mind and body. Belief in a higher power. Hope and optimism. Practice of worship, prayer, and/or meditation; purpose in life. Compassion for others. Moral values. Transcendence (a sense of oneness with the universe).

▪   Gender Identity. Satisfaction with and feeling supported in one’s gender. Ability to be androgynous.

▪   Cultural Identity. Satisfaction with and feeling supported in one’s cultural identity. Cultural assimilation.

▪   Self-Care. Taking responsibility for one’s wellness through self-care and safety habits that are preventive in nature.

 Physical Self

▪   Nutrition. Eating a nutritionally balanced diet. Maintaining a normal weight (within 15% of the ideal).

▪   Exercise. Engaging in sufficient physical activity through exercise or in your work to keep in good physical condition.

 General Feeling of Well-Being

▪   Perceived Wellness. The extent to which you believe you have achieved wellness in all areas, or total wellness. Your estimate of your total wellness.

▪   Perceived Safety. The extent to which you believe you are safe in your home, neighborhood, and community, and the extent to which you feel safe from harm by terrorists.

▪   Context. The extent to which your wellness is influenced, in a conscious manner, by individual, institutional, and global contexts, and the extent to which you are aware of and intentional in responding positively to changes in wellness over time.

At our most recent Compeer poetry night, we wrote a group poem about mental wellness.....Seems fitting to share it here: 

Mental Wellness is.......

Mental wellness is...a feeling of security and open-mindedness.

Mental wellness is...when you feel good, when life is good......it is mind and body in sync.

Mental wellness is...what I strive for throughout my lifetime.

Mental wellness is...pure bliss- the personification of perfection. 

Mental wellness is...the sun, shining on your back...urging you to move forward. 

Mental wellness is...a confident spring breeze.  

Today let's remember that Wellness is not a 'goal' we can 'reach.' Rather, Wellness is living the best life we can live--- for us!!! 

-Jennifer

Just say NO.

Remember the 80's anti-drug media blitz?    "Just say NO!" to drugs.

Catchy. Powerful. (And definitely good advice when it comes to experimenting with illegal substances.)
It would seem common sense that it's also good advice to "just say NO!" when it comes to doing anything that will jeopardize our health and well-being, including over-extending ourselves.

Maybe common sense, but you chronic 'yes' people out there know that it's not always that easy.

I used to be a major 'yes' person, and sometimes I still fall into the trap of over-doing. My motto has seemed to be "Just say YES!" to anything that I think will in some way help someone, allow them to have a better day, or....(blush).....make them like me.
There.
I said it.
I like to be liked.



Not that there is anything inherently wrong with wanting to be accepted by others. It's built into our genetic makeup, in fact. We're social beings. We tend to live in communities. Here at Compeer we especially know that friendship is  an extremely powerful and healing force within the human experience.
So, of course, we want to say yes to our friends.  We want to be accepted in our community structure of choice, and sometimes that means going above and beyond to help those around us. Sometimes.

Other times, it is very important to be true to ourselves, be aware of our boundaries and recognize our own limits. Saying yes when you need to say no causes burnout. You do yourself and the person making the request a disservice by saying yes all of the time. Worrying too much about others needs, and not enough of our own can even lead to resentment that may show up as depression or anxiety....resentment can cause friendships to end. 

We can say no and still be accepted!! Trust me, I do it, and you're still reading, right?

See?    ; )

For tips on just how to do this, (nicely!) I've included a suggested method by Colette Carlson, an expert in communication.

Stop, Look and Listen—then Go

Stop: Instead of rushing to make a decision, simply stop and take a deep breath. Depending on the immediacy of the situation, you may say something like, “Gee, that sounds interesting, let me get back to you,” or “Please give me a minute to gather my thoughts and take a look at my schedule.” (This is also a great parenting tip so you don’t have to go back on your word.) In other words, remove the pressure of feeling like you have to reply immediately.

Look: Take a long, hard look at your current commitments and calendar. If you say your health is the most important thing in your life, have you put your calendar where your mouth is? Put your focus on what you want and schedule it in to make sure it happens. No one is going to give you what you need to get for yourself. When you’re clear on your internal goals and schedule your time to reflect your desires, it’s easier to find the confidence necessary to say no to others in order to say yes to you.

Listen: Listen to and acknowledge your feelings. When you first hear the request, what is your immediate reaction? Are you excited and enthusiastic about the opportunity, or do you wish the person would just magically disappear? Do you truly want to do what is asked, or is it something you think you “should” do? “Shoulds” come loaded with guilt. Guilt is simply anger turned inward because you can’t do what you really want. Honor your true feelings for long-term personal sanity and happiness.

Go: Go on with integrity. Let go of your fears and simply speak your truth. Don’t give excuses – just a simple, “No, I won’t be able to participate, but I hope you have a wonderful time,” or “No, my calendar is full but thank you for thinking of me.” Or in Jill’s case she could say, “Gary, I won’t be able to help. I have just enough time left to finish my own commitments.” Then, zip it. No need to elaborate or apologize. If you still feel guilty, ask yourself a simple question: What is my intent? If your intention in saying no is purely to respect your own priorities and needs, then release all fears and go forward. If anyone gets upset, it’s about them, not about you.

I absolutely love the last line here...."if someone gets upset, it's about them, not about you." This is a concept that can be hard to really understand, especially for those of us who tend to react to others negativity with guilt. Sometimes folks have their very own reasons for becoming upset when we can't fill their needs- reasons that have nothing to do with us. 

When we clear our schedule of unnecessary obligations that do not fulfill our own needs, we take away from ourselves the energy and time we could be applying to efforts we enjoy. A life of Wellness is a life of balance, and  while we cannot (nor should we) always "just say no," 

........sometimes saying no to someone else means saying YES to you. 

-Jen 

Compoetry.......

Last night was our first Compeer Poetry Night......and this morning, I am still feeling inspired by the sharing we experienced.

I was a little nervous getting ready for this group- I wondered if people would come, and if they would be willing to share their personal writing.... I wondered if everyone would have a good time.....

                                       I couldn't have been more pleased with the evening!

We had a nice spread of good food to choose from,  (our Senior Program Director, Sarah, had some fun at Wegmans!) and the room felt warm and accepting as we all chatted and ate. I got to meet some new people, and was excited to see some faces that have become very dear to me......that happens a lot at Compeer.  I couldn't help but think to myself, "Wow, I might just have the best job in the world-- I get to be surrounded by friends."

We began the night by learning a little about reading poetry-- it's not as simple as you might think. (and not as hard as I thought!) We started with this interesting poem about-- what else?? Reading poems!!

HOW TO EAT A POEM by Eve Merriam

Don't be polite.
Bite in.
Pick it up with your fingers 
and lick the juice that may run down your chin. 
It is ready and ripe now, whenever you are. 
You do not need a knife or fork or spoon or plate or napkin or table cloth. 
For there is no core or stem or rind or pit or skin to throw away. 


We talked a little about what we think the author of this poem was trying to say:

Poetry is for everyone. There is no wrong way to read or write it. There are no 'bad' parts....poetry just is. It is ready and waiting for us, like a friend, and if we accept a poem for all that it may bring, we can enjoy it endlessly.

We also learned about how to read and interpret poetry--- that it is important to read and speak slowly, in order to soak up the message, and better understand subtle meanings within the words. It is especially helpful to look for imagery within a poem-- what does the author want us to see....smell...taste?

Ashley shared a great poem full of imagery about a beautiful day spent with a lost love. (I'm hoping to add it here- with her permission, so check back!!)

Many of our friends took a risk, and read us their own poems.....we shared about the anxiety we can get just waiting for a call from someone special.....about the changes that the internet has brought to our lives.....the upsides and downsides of having that cigarette break....we interpreted some favorite song lyrics....and more.




I can honestly say, I can't remember a time when I have seen a group of people who have not met before become so open with such personal thoughts--so quickly. It was such a gift to be a part of this awesome group!


In the spirit of friendship, I'll end this post with a poem from Patty about her friend Carol.....thanks to all who participated last night, and I look forward to having more of our Compeer friends join us for our next reading!!

I prayed for a mentor, 

And then God sent her.

She has been faithful, 

For that I'm grateful.

She has fed me, 

Both physically and mentally.

I thank God for her. 

My dear friend is near…..

….My Compeer. 

Patty and Carol

I'm not sure about you.....

But I am REALLY looking forward to doing this again!!!

-Jennifer

Friendship Bracelet GIVEAWAY!!!

Don't you just LOVE winning things?? 

Well, today you have the opportunity to jump in on a great giveaway from the Compeer Buffalo blog. Jewelry anyone?? 

We are giving away this bracelet design created in our Compeer Shared Profits Artisans (SPA) group!  Winning is easy- see the giveaway entry rules below. 

Giveaway bracelet!

The bracelet being given away this week was made by me, but many other designs made by the members of our Shared Profits Artisans group are available for purchase as well. Call Compeer at 716-883-3331 for more details!
                (ask for Jennifer)

WHAT IS A “SPA” GROUP?

Compeer’s SPA group is made up of Compeer friends and volunteers interested in being a part of a cooperative craft-producing environment.  Group members engage in open and supportive social interaction while working toward completing a production goal.  Whether making jewelry, sewing therapeutic eye pillows, or sharing artistic or creative writing skills, individuals engage in the group production of a completed product. Through their work, members develop skills transferrable to support success in the community, as well as develop a social sense of belonging and camaraderie with their peers. All donations received in return for our bracelets are put toward purchasing supplies for future groups-- we are self-sustaining! 

IS THIS THERAPEUTIC?

The simple answer is YES. It has been long understood in the fields of psychology, occupational therapy, art therapy, and neurology that group work benefits both the physical and mental health of participants. Compeer matches are based on the fact that friendship and social interaction is healing in and of itself. Our SPA groups blend these theories in an effort to bring motivation, validation, social support and a sense of purpose to the lives of its members in a sustainable way.

GIVEAWAY ENTRY RULES: 

Winning is easy!

Step 1: "Like" Compeer of Greater Buffalo on Facebook.  Compeer of Greater Buffalo, Inc.Non-Profit Organization521 like this

Step 2: Follow this blog using the 'join this site' button in the upper right column. It's important you join, so that we can contact you if you are our winner! 

Step 3: Leave a comment on this post about one of your favorite friendship moments! Could be something nice a friend did for you or a special day shared with a friend-- get creative!! (be sure you don't post anonymously-- you must use your google friend account, or I won't be able to contact you if you win!)

A winner will be picked at random from the comments section next week Thursday, February 2nd. You will be notified by email if you are the lucky winner!!  (Unfortunately, we can only ship to the US and Canada, so international readers can't participate in this giveaway....my apologies to our world-readers!)

Good Luck Friends!!!

-Jennifer

UPDATE: WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!

The names of those who entered were placed into RANDOM.ORG, which (randomly!) selected our winner............

The winner is..........Stephanie!!!  

Congratulations, and thanks to all those who entered! 

Adding 'purpose' to every day.....

Lately, I've been really hung up on the idea of a sense of 'purpose' as a guide for everyday life....

It's not a new idea for me, and actually, I think that this concept led me to work in the 'helping' professions to begin with.....

Even when I was little, something inside of me always pushed me toward what it was that I was 'meant' to be doing. I knew that there were certain times when I felt the most confident, the most sure, and the most at peace. These times almost always were when I was engaged in something creative, and usually also involved helping others. It seems that I knew even then that these factors were in tune with my purpose, but as a child I certainly didn't have the words to say that, or even the awareness to think it........Back then, I just knew what felt right. And back then, I wasn't held back by the roles that society tends to impose upon us as we grow.
I knew I liked to draw, so I did...I knew I liked to cheer people up-- so most of the time I would give my drawings away, and get a smile. It was intuitive, it was easy, and I felt good about it.

So what changes?  As adults, so many factors come into play as we decide how to spend our time, and where to focus our energy. We may have work obligations, a family to raise or older parents to care for, a home or apartment to maintain. (Bills to pay!) These are all real concerns that, most times, we cannot do much to change.

There are however, many things that keep us from our purpose driven ideas that we can get around. The biggest obstacle most people have to face when deciding to be true to themselves and their desires is the fear of disapproval from others.
For me, this could look like, "I love to paint, but I have so much to do around the house--- I would look irresponsible if I left the dishes in the sink while I paint a picture."
The fact is, a couple of dishes in the sink are not likely to affect me in any way-- washed or unwashed. If I spend my time on the dishes, I will be no more energized than if I don't. If I leave them there,  I will be no worse off.....the task has no meaning to me.
On the other hand, if I take twenty minutes to paint- I know that I will feel excited by the creativity, and energized by the sense of accomplishment. I also know that when I am excited and energized-- I get more done!! (including dishes-  bonus!)
The point here is, if we let all of our daily activities become those we feel obligated to do....the outcome will always be less than what a day with purpose could bring.


Nine times out of ten, what we think others are thinking of us is not even true. Let's get back to what moves us-- let's get back to PURPOSE.


THE BASIC TECHNIQUE
The filter technique below allows you to identify your purpose by bypassing the conditioned thought associations relating to ‘permission’ and ‘disapproval.’ It's broad enough to help you make big choices, like job moves, or small ones like how to spend a Saturday afternoon-- with YOU in mind!! :

1.		Identify what you like about yourself.
2.		Identify how you most like spending your time.
3.		Imagine your idea of a perfect world.

Your purpose is what links these three things together. In other words, it is the way you can use your favorite characteristics, abilities and attributes in activities you like best, to manifest your vision of a perfect world. Don’t be deceived by the simplicity of this technique.   -exerpt from Anxiety Culture, how to find your own purpose.


So here's what I got when I tried this:

1. I like that I am artistic and creative.
2. I like spending my time with friends and working on projects.
3. My idea of a perfect world is one where people can accept each other and work together.

One way to link these things together for me is: Providing a creative group project open to all of my friends..... like the Compeer Care and Share Jewelry group. You can check your Compeer newsletter for more info on the group, but basically, in this setting I get to be artistic and creative....I get to spend time with friends working on a project....and we can all accept one another and work together. This ties in all of the three things I identified- so cool!

Try the technique above and feel free to share one of your purpose-driven ideas in the comments section!

Winter......it's still here.

Brrrrr.........it's cold. And we're expecting snow. What's new?

It's been mildly entertaining watching the rest of the country deal with the storm that hit (though I realize it's no fun for them!).....and even more entertaining to hear all the Buffalonians brag about how well-equipped we are to deal with it.
Well, friends, I'm not feeling equipped.
I don't like snow unless I'm snowboarding on it. I don't find being cold very pleasant either-- it makes it harder to get out of bed. And the shower.

But here's the deal-- we have winter in Buffalo. We get snow. It gets cold, dark and windy.......
And right about now, all over our dark, snowy, windy city, the winter blues are in full effect for many of us.
Most of us have heard of the winter blues, or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I often hear it joked about on the radio, or hear it brought up casually in groups of friends. It makes sense that when we are kept from being more active, and need to stay indoors away from the sun that we will inevitably get down, or feel moody. So, seasonal affective disorder is easy to identify with-- and to casually speak about.  But, here you run the risk of minimizing a legitimate, sometimes disabling, condition.

I want to take a look at what it is that defines SAD versus just having a case of cabin fever, or dealing with the 'winter blues.'  It is very important for those if us who are dealing with a deeper depression, or who may have friends or family going through this, to understand more fully what can be done to alleviate symptoms and get us on a track to wellness.
Mayoclinic.com cites these as symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder:

   "* Depression (intense and prolonged sadness)
    * Hopelessness
    * Anxiety
    * Loss of energy
    * Social withdrawal
    * Oversleeping
    * Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
    * Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates
    * Weight gain
    * Difficulty concentrating and processing information "mayoclinic.com

What makes these symptoms different than those of a clinical depression is that "Seasonal affective disorder is a cyclic, seasonal condition. This means that signs and symptoms come back and go away at the same time every year. Usually, seasonal affective disorder symptoms appear during late fall or early winter and go away during the sunnier days of spring and summer." Mayoclinic.com

Does this sound like you? If so, don't just brush it off as something you 'have to get through. The above symptoms are much more than a bad day or a bad mood. We must recognize when we need to step up to take better care of ourselves, or we can be set up for a bigger problem in the end.

If you are struggling with your day to day activities, then your problem with seasonal depression may be more real than you think. It's time to reach out for some help.


For those of us who are struggling to a lesser degree, here are some suggestions to help us get a jump start on those happier springtime days!!

Set goals: even one goal a day-- like, "go through the mail to find bills."  will feel great to accomplish.
Sleep: Make sure that you're not sleeping too much or too little. Use an alarm clock or nap!!
Exercise: just taking the stairs, parking farther from your destination, or walking a block to the next bus stop can make a big difference.
Forgiveness: staying upset takes a lot of energy-- finding forgiveness for whoever, or whatever it is you find you're angry about frees up your energy for things more focused on wellness.

Gratitude: I'm a big fan of the gratitude list-- writing five things down per day that you are thankful for. It will change your brain chemistry- and your attitude!
Sunlight: it may not seem to be there-- but it is! UV rays can get through the clouds, so get out there!! 
Hydration: it's highly likely you are not getting the amount of water your body need each day. Drink more water!
Friendships: Lean on your support system- call your Compeer!Everyone wants to be heard, appreciated, and loved. Start off by listening, appreciating and loving, and it will come back your way.

Let's hear about how you get through the winter months.....is it a struggle? How have you been able to keep going? 

-Jennifer 

The morning......what's good about it??

In answer to the title of this post, I was inclined to write (in all caps- indicating my scream):  "NOTHING!!!"
But that's not exactly going to get this post moving in the positive direction I'm aiming it in......
Ahem....folks, I am NOT a morning person.
I am very much the girl who sets the alarm and falls asleep with the best intention to hear it in the morning-- and spring up and out of bed in rise-and-shine glory to greet the birds and the sunshine and welcome a glorious new day.....(insert singing princesses here.)

Wait. Rewind. I did say intention.

When my alarm goes off, it's still dark and even the birds aren't up. (They know that it's surely not time yet.....)  And I don't even roll over- much less spring up and out of bed. I just smack at my buzzing phone until it goes quiet for 9 more minutes. And I do that about 6 times before finally stumbling to the bathroom feeling around for the light switch, grumbling at myself for not allowing more time to get ready.
This has got to stop......

I know that there are wonderful things about the morning-- small things to be found and cherished, and I am determined to figure out what they are and to include them in my routine.
(There's a concept! ROUTINE!!!)

But........how?
Ahhh....trustly old Google.
Here are just a few ideas that I found and will start to use:

• Go to sleep with the curtains open or blinds up so that the light will naturally help you awaken in the morning. (this won't work in winter for us early-risers, but I still think it's a good one)
• Get up earlier.  HA! ha ha........No really. I think that there is something to be said for this one. I have tried, and failed at this. I set the alarm earlier- but that just means I hit snooze a few more times. In my mind, I have a time that I know I need to be up by, in order to get everyone in my family where they need to go for the day. But getting up to allow the minimum time it takes creates a sense of urgency and doesn't allow for things like feeling the water on my back in the shower for a few more minutes, or even for sitting down while having my cup of coffee. Getting up just one half hour earlier will help the morning feel more relaxed.  It allows for small extras, like reading an interesting article,  or gazing at the neighborhood for a few minutes out the window. Getting up earlier helps us experience the morning rather than rush through it.
• Go to bed earlier. (What? There already isn't enough time in the day to get things done!!)  Yes, going to bed earlier may take a bit of time from your day, but remember, we just added some time to the morning! Going to bed sooner will help us get up in the morning. Plus, when we have the amount of sleep we really need, our energy will be higher all day long, and can help us do more and feel better. Going to bed earlier may help you be more productive.
• Eliminate decisions. I for one, love this idea.  I'm good for nothing in the morning. I'm lucky to match my socks, and I never feel like making breakfast, so often I skip it. (I know--not a good choice) So having things set up the night before is pretty genius. We've heard it before. My mom has probably said it a million times in my lifetime, and I'm going to say it again. Get ready the night before. Choose your outfit, plan breakfast and your coffee or tea, have your towel and hygiene supplies ready to go. This way the morning can fall into place with less effort. (And you won't realize that you're out of milk after you've already poured the cereal.)
• Add music. Music helps to promote thinking and creativity. Listening to what you enjoy at the start can ground you and prepare you for a positive day. Queue Bedouin Soundclash: "heeeyy heyy-ey eyyy! A beauuuuuutiful day!" (you're lucky you can't hear me singing this right now. Great morning song though!)
• Eat breakfast. First of all, breakfast is delicious. That's enough for me. But studies show that eating a healthy breakfast improves mood through out the day, allows for higher levels of thinking, and ironically, keeps our weight down. Check out some healthy breakfast ideas on the internet-- your morning meal should be one that is not only healthy, but enjoyable and a positive start to your day.

OK, now that I plan to embrace this 'morning' thing with a better attitude, let's answer the title question again.......

What's good about morning? 
The start of a new day.
The opportunity to be the best person I can be today.
The gift of life wrapped up and given all over again.....

What's good about  your morning?

-Jennifer